Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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