cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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