Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my liver is dry heaving
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
