her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
