Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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