We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
