The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
