Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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