The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
