Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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