Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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