Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
