Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
