i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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