OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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