When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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