You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
