oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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