I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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