I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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