Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
