This girl is more easily done than said...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
