Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
