Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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