Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
