Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
