literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
