Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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