can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
