im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
