I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
