I wish I could teleport
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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