So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
