Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
