season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
