I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
