Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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