Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
