I wish i was in the wii world.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
