Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
