people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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