I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
