weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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