I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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