I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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