Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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