Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Randomize
