It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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