i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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