dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
