everyone is single if you try hard enough
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
