maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
