you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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