Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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