I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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